I had my first random pang of anxiety about returning home when I was daydreaming on the bus today. Though there are plenty things I could do without here, I've also become undeniably accustomed to, and quite fond of, certain aspects of my life. It is relatively simple and endlessly interesting. The environment is not so sanitized as parts of home, giving it a strong, unique character. The dichotomies of the architecture can be fascinating to observe: the old and the new, the big and the small, the rich and poor, all mixed together rather than segregated. The food that I have written about before: often cheap, convenient to the point of over-saturation, and unfailingly delicious. The nature of neighborhoods and city. Not having to drive everywhere, being able to walk to the restaurants, gym, coffee shops, grocery stores, etc. The people; especially my newfound opportunity to go deep with my students several times a week.
As I said, there are plenty of things I could do without and many more things that I miss from home, but upon reflection of why I had that pang, I reflected upon some of the facets that I love about my life here. I'm far from a full-fledged and unblinking Sinophile (I have seen that kind here, not my style), but I know what I love about my life here.
When I was talking about the expat experience with a friend living in India, he described the nature of that experience as having highs and lows in your daily life that regularly surpass their respective experiences back home. Often one can feel these extremes within a matter of hours of each other. That happened to me today. When I do return home, some discomfort is inevitable, and I do not fear this. However, it came as a bit of a shock to me today to experience the feeling that at some point, this little adventure will come to an end.
So long as you feel as though you're making the right decision by coming home... And so long as that decision was made at a time outside of the high-highs or the low-lows.
ReplyDeleteWe're excited to have you home! Hopefully I'll be living in the Cities by the time you're back. Looking forward to it!
No doubt. The decision has been made over time. It ultimately came down to the question, "to what end would I stay?" The answer didn't go much past, "because living in China is a great laugh and I like the food," so staying is tricky to justify.
ReplyDeleteBut I plan to make the most of my remaining time here. There shall be no regrets.